Late in life, I taught myself how to handle my Attention Deficit Disorder. With my wife's encouragement, I took time to be diagnosed and counseled. I needed help but it was hard for me to admit it. For years, I was frustrated and often angry.
The reason was simple: I struggled to complete projects. I would get bored with my work; or be distracted in the middle of something important; or be unable to stay focused. Yet I tested high on the IQ charts. What was wrong? Then I found out that I had a medical condition called ADD. What a relief!
In my childhood, I didn't have the usual symptoms of hyperactivity. On the contrary, I could hyper-focus and get straight 'A's" if I wanted to. But if I was bored, my brain checked out. In school, I learned to sit near the front of the class or else other activities would distract me and I couldn't learn very well.
ADD is a condition of unknown origin. It is a certain way that a person's brain is wired from childhood. It's permanent but treatable. It can be moderated but not eliminated. Don't condemn yourself over it. There is a wide spectrum of ADD. It affects folks differently. Some kids grow out of it. Most will have it into adulthood.
If you, as an adult, discover you have ADD there are usually several stages you'll go through. These stages are similar to the well-known five stages of grief.
1. Denial. "This can't be happening to me!"
2. Anger. "I don't deserve this!" I learned to forgive myself and to stop my constant self-criticism. But it was a process.
3. Bargaining. "If I take my medications, the problem will go away." No. It won't ever completely go away. You will have to face it every day, and you can win!
4. Depression. "Depression is a serious and common problem for people with ADD," says Susan Roberts. Depression is often a misdiagnosed and overlooked component of ADD, making life more difficult for the sufferer and their family.
5. Acceptance. You decide you will take your meds and learn to cope, just like people must wear their eyeglasses to correct their vision. You can even learn to love yourself and be able to laugh at yourself!
ADDers are usually creative and intelligent. They can think outside the box and are able to intuitively leap to correct conclusions that logical thinkers have no way of understanding. They are valuable workers when included as part of a team that appreciates their value and understands their limitations.
Here's something your family needs to know: "Sustained attention is expensive for an ADDer," says Thomas Whiteman, PhD, in his book, Adult ADD. "The mental energy expended is enormous and taxing." Besides mental fatigue, they fight forgetfulness all the time. They often have severe self-recrimination for their inability to stay focused. They forget important dates and events. Failure in relationships might make them retreat from emotional intimacy.
ADD is not a moral shortcoming. You are not a bad person but you are still responsible to cope with ADD and master it to the extent you are able. If you are a parent of a child with ADD, you should learn more about this condition and how it affects your children. You definitely should enlist a doctor's help. If you are an adult with ADD, please talk with a physician. Plus, you might want to look at my list of practical coping tools. Email me and I'll reply with your free copy.
RON WOOD IS A WRITER AND MINISTER. HE AND HIS WIFE LIVE IN N.W. ARKANSAS CLOSE TO THEIR SIX GRANDCHILDREN. HE WORKS WITH EMT IN PRAIRIE GROVE AND PASTORS CENTERPOINT BAPTIST CHURCH IN COLCORD, OKLA., JUST WEST OF GENTRY. EMAIL: [email protected]
Editorial on 11/18/2015