Doing it all, doing it all right, and doing it all right now is not realistic--or necessary!
"...He said to them, 'Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31
I once went through a rough patch in ministry. I was working a full-time job. I was working full-time at the church and I was a full-time seminary student. I also was in charge of a good deal of relief efforts for the survivors of Hurricane Katrina.
Oh and three little boys that loved sports.
I found myself staying up several nights in a row each week trying to get everything finished. I'd spend days at my full-time secular job and then nights working for the church, doing visitations, writing sermons, etc. Then after I tucked the boys in and told the wife good night, I'd work on research papers and read theology books until it was time to go back to work.
About once every two weeks, it would all come crashing down on me and I'd sleep for 18 hours. Then I'd get back up, feeling guilty for not getting things done and start it all again.
About two months into this my relationships started to get strained. I was arguing with people at work. I'd begrudgingly go see congregation members and my boys were starting to ask why daddy didn't eat dinner anymore.
I remember one day in particular. Everything that could go wrong did. It seemed like everything I touched went south and which just made things worse and made me madder. After a contentious board meeting at church, I had enough.
I was through. No more sleepless nights. No more wondering how I was going to get everything finished. No more listening to ungrateful people who didn't appreciate the work I put in to exemplify the example of Christ.
I visited a mentor in ministry to tell him I'd had enough. That this preacher gig is for the birds and no one could do everything that was expected of them. He listened for a bit while I ranted and then he said he wanted to ask me just one question.
"What does God expect of you?" he asked. "You have all sorts of expectations for yourself. You want to be a perfect dad. You want to be a good student and you want to be all things to all people as a pastor. You work to make a living. You work to finish your education. You work to bring people closer to God. You expect things of yourself. Your family expects things. Your professors expect things and your congregation expects things of you. But I want you to answer the question not through everyone else's lens. But instead, what does God expect of you?"
I thought for a bit and for the life of me couldn't answer. Everyone else's expectations of me defined who I was. I could have said that God expected me to be a good father, but again I was defining myself through the lens of my family. I could have said that God expected me to be a good preacher, but that's the lens of my congregation.
Finally, I said, "I don't know. Maybe not to quit?"
He laughed and said, "When's the last time you sat down and prayed?" I couldn't answer. "When's the last time you read a devotional?" Again I had no answer. "When's the last time you listened to another preacher just for fun?" Again. Nothing. And he went on like that.
"The only thing God expects from you is worship," he told me. "Why don't you give that a try."
I did. That was nearly two decades ago and a million expectations past. Life is still difficult. There's still ungrateful and mean people. There's still job pressures and family needs. There's still arguments and unrealistic goals. But now, each day starts with worship. And somehow, someway, God puts me to bed each night with joy in my heart and wonderful expectations for tomorrow.
PASTOR TROY CONRAD IS MINISTER OF FARMINGTON UNITED METHODIST CHURCH. EMAIL: [email protected].
Religion on 07/20/2016