Kids Think The Funnest Things

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Art Linkletter hosted a show about children's funny sayings. In school rooms, if you listen, you can learn the craziest things. For example, consider this example of how a child's mind works.

An elementary teacher said, "Write me a sentence about a public servant." A small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked him.

"Sure," replied the young boy. 'It means carrying a child."

Where we lived a few years back, an elementary school principal invited a local pastor to talk with her. "We've got a problem, Reverend," she said, "I need your help." She went on to explain that the boys didn't know how to use a urinal. They had never seen a man urinate so they sat down on the toilet like a woman. That pastor began to promote fathers in the family, male volunteers at school, and a slogan: "It takes a man to teach a man to be a man."

It seems that kids at school are learning a lot about the birds and the bees, getting some kind of sex education, formal or not. For example, a second-grader came home from school and said, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today!"

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

I'm convinced that classrooms sometimes rush ahead with modern technology. From my experience, most kids can not print legibly and most are not ever taught cursive. I learned this after having some fourth-graders sit with me and read aloud from the paragraphs they had just written. They could verbalize their stories (some with amazing creativity and good order). But neither the child nor I could read their illegible words on paper. But, texting and keyboards will fix all that, right?

Maybe not. After taking a keyboard computer lab at school, the little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor at home that night. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" her dad asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

I'm stumped by some of the creative math that's being taught. It may make perfect sense to a fifth-grade student, but it puzzles this college graduate (me). What happened to the old rules of math and memorizing the multiplication tables?

Maybe there is a logic hidden beneath the surface of today's arithmetic. I heard about a friend's grandson who called to wish him Happy Birthday. He asked him how old he was. He answered, "Eighty." The grandson was quiet for a moment and then asked, "Did you start at one?"

My grandson was visiting with me when he was very young and asked, "Grandpa, did you know you and God are alike?"

I polished my halo (that's the fringe of white hair that circles my balding head) and replied, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied. Sometimes I do feel ancient. I can prove that I'm slower. But in my mind I'm still fast, flexible... and thin.

I'm glad the funny lines are not all saved just for me. When our youngest granddaughter asked my wife how old she was, she teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandma," she advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

RON WOOD IS A WRITER AND MINISTER. CONTACT HIM AT [email protected] OR VISIT WWW.TOUCHEDBYGRACE.ORG. THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHOR.

Editorial on 04/19/2017