Power Struggles In Parenting

The power struggle in parenting is one that we are all guilty of and sometimes we even feel exhausted and frustrated and even occasionally after reflecting on the issues we feel a bit foolish for having argued with our child about something like wanting them to put their shoes on before they get in the car, rather than their want of doing this after they are in the car (I am guilty).

As a parent we have often been told that we are supposed to be in charge, we are supposed to make certain that our children listen, are respectful and obedient. Well, this is true to a degree, but there are moments in which we can and should just 'let it go.' It is infrequent, but it is real and necessary. Rather than seeing a child's rebellion as bad, it would benefit us to change our perspective to see the behavior as healthy and a positive sign of development. It is a great opportunity to empower not overpower your child. So often as parents we forget to see things from the child's perspective. We have a goal and we want our child to complete it our way so we demand and command our children to do things in a certain manner, which in turn causes them to feel powerless. A child who is powerless is either going to fight or flight.

Here are some quick steps to take -- though these are just the beginning -- if you will, of trying to resolve the issues.

Side-Step, if you ask your child to do something and they say "no," engaging in the no is going to cause more of an issue, side-stepping and/or getting what you need in a different manner can reduce the argument.

Give choices rather than commands. This provides the child with the feeling that they are in control.

Put your child in control. If you struggle everyday with getting your child/children to brush their teeth for example, put them in charge of developing a routine to get this done. (This may cause you to have to listen to the Brush 'em, Brush 'em song, but it is getting done.)

Teach your children how to use the word "no" respectfully and not fight their saying it all the time. We have been trying to teach our children to say 'no' for years, but we don't handle hearing this very well.

The other thing we have to do as parents is make sure the power struggle is not about us. Sometimes we get into power struggles because of our mood, our wants, our frustrations and sometimes we just have to walk away. Be self-aware and become a positive parent.

CARRIE NICKLES, LPC, IS A FORMER COUNSELOR WITH OZARK GUIDANCE AND IS SEEING PATIENTS TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS AT PRAIRIE GROVE HEALTH AND WELLNESS CENTER. CONTACT HER AT [email protected].