So many times the guilt and shame that we put on ourselves keeps us from doing things that we need and want to do, or worse causes us to get into unhealthy habits. I am guilty of this and it took my son to point it out to me, when he told me "mom, you deserve to have nice new shoes too," as I was trying to make certain he got the shoes that he wanted and my shoes were completely worn out.
I have a want to workout, I want to have nice things and I work really hard and can say I am successful (most of the time), but when it comes to doing the things I want to do, well I am not so good at this. I often use the excuse of 'my kids need/want' and even 'my husband wants/needs...' What about me? What about you?
There is always someone talking about self care, sometimes this is mistaken for selfishness, so what is the difference. Being selfish is often noted by a person that is consistently choosing to meet their own needs and wants over the wants and needs of others. Being selfish does not usually promote joy, peace, love or genuine happiness but promotes greed and harms relationships with others. However, when a person is choosing to honor herself or her inner wants and needs in order to be better and do better, to be happier and to discover purpose this is considered to be self care. This does require a person to put themselves ahead of others occasionally.
An example that comes to mind for me is the parent that is not feeling well, but refuses to go to the doctor or rest. The parent is determined to 'be there for the kid's game.' In this case it would be better that the parent takes the time to rest now and attend the next game. Have you ever stopped to consider what type of cheerleader or support you are going to be if you aren't feeling well? (More than likely it is not your best parenting moment.) It is not selfish to take time to be OK, to heal or to rest when you need it. I am also reminded of what we are told on an airplane. Adults are told to put on their air mask first because if you are not breathing, you can't help anyone else. So if you are not feeling OK and taking time to recharge and do things that remind you who you are, what you like, who you want to be, if you don't' spend a little time focused on yourself you tend to get lost and then unfortunately resentful. (This can be towards your family, your job, school...)
So it is important that you occasionally focus on yourself so that you can be the best you. Stop looking at the one night a month you spend with friends in a guilty light. Being able to be with friends socially helps us to feel good. We have to stop believing that because you are doing something that is just for your own happiness that this is selfish. You are important too.
It is also necessary that you recognize that there is not enough time in the day to get everything done all of the time. Priorities have to be made and sometime the priority is going and getting in a workout after work or going to lunch with a friend. Taking care of yourself at times has to be a priority and not 'penciled in' because it is selfish.
You have to remember that your mental and physical health should not be ignored. You only have one body and one mind and you are in charge of taking care of it. So it is time that you make the time to take care of yourself and not tell yourself that you should not feel guilty because you took a little time to help yourself be healthy or rewarded yourself for your successes. Enjoy living, it is OK.
CARRIE NICKLES, LPC, IS A FORMER COUNSELOR WITH OZARK GUIDANCE AND IS SEEING PATIENTS TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS AT PRAIRIE GROVE HEALTH AND WELLNESS CENTER. CONTACT HER AT [email protected].
Community on 02/20/2019