LINCOLN -- Using humor, impersonations and giving graphic details of his life as an abused child, author Dave Pelzer encouraged Lincoln teachers and staff to realize how important they are in the life of a child.
"You think you're not making a difference, you better think again," Pelzer of Rancho Mirage, Calif., told teachers as they gathered together for their first day back in the middle school auditorium.
Dave Pelzer has written three books about his life story:
“A Child Called ‘It,’” one child’s courage to survive.
“The Lost Boy,” a foster child’s search for the love of a family.
“A Man Named Dave,” a story of triumph and forgiveness.
The books are available at area libraries.
Pelzer says he was born into what many would consider a perfect family. His father was a firefighter. His mother stayed at home, a Cub Scout Den mother and an active member of the Parent Teacher Association. He still recalls the scent of his mother's hair when she hugged him.
"I never felt so safe and warm," he remembers.
Pelzer said his father was raised to believe that women took care of the household and his mother was raised to believe that "what happens in the house stays in the house."
'A Bad Boy'
At an early age, he realized that his mother acted differently when his father was gone and she treated him differently than his two older brothers.
"I always knew there was a problem with David. I was a bad boy," he said.
From age 4, he lived in the basement away from the rest of his family and could only come up when he was commanded to by his mother. He was forced to do chores and at one point was told he was no longer a member of the family. His mother didn't refer to him as David but as "the boy" or "it."
He scrounged for food, looking in garbage cans, eating leftovers given to the family dog or stealing it from kids' lunches at school. His abuse included being burned, slapped and hit, pushed and going long periods without food. Many times, he was forced to sit in a curled, submissive position for a long time.
At age 7 or 8, his mother read him a story from Santa Clause that said he would not receive any presents that year because "I was a horrible boy."
His father made many promises to "make it better," he said, but it did not happen. He described his father as a passive observer.
Alcohol abuse was a part of both his parents' lives and the abuse was worse when his mother had been drinking, he said.
Teacher Support
Pelzer told the story of his first day in kindergarten. He joked that his teacher seemed "sixty-eight hundred years old." He was embarrassed because he stuttered, had a lisp and did not know how to socialize with others.
The room had blocks set aside and Pelzer said he sat down to build with the blocks by himself. His teacher came over and looked at his building blocks and called attention to what a great job he had done.
"You can't know what that meant to me," Pelzer said, reminding teachers that for every one negative statement or comment a child receives, it takes 70 positive comments to counter that.
Pelzer held his hand above his head and told teachers, "You are this." He held his hand at chest level, saying this is "your students."
Teachers should be respected for their honor, integrity and the fact that "you keep giving and giving," he added.
Pelzer said his first crush was his second-grade teacher Ms. Moss. At this point, he said he knew he was the "target" child of his mom and what happened at home was their secret.
He recalled a parent-teacher conference with his mother and Ms. Moss and remembers telling the teacher, "I was very bad. I'll never do it again." Conversations went back and forth between the teacher and his mother.
"What has the boy done now?" his mother asked Ms. Moss.
The teacher's response was to say, "What can we do to help David?"
Pelzer said his teacher called him "David," his mom called him "the boy."
"Ms. Moss was batting for me as best she could," Pelzer said. "She told my mom, 'When your baby comes into my classroom, I'm responsible for him. I'm obligated.'"
The next thing he knew, Pelzer said, Ms. Moss was gone from the school. He later learned she had been fired for interfering with a family's private affairs. He pointed out penal laws were not in place back then to protect teachers and children from abuse.
Survival And Freedom
Things changed for him internally, he said, after one incident when his mother made him place his arm on the stove. She had read about this and wanted to try it, he said. She ordered him to hold it over the gas grill for 56 seconds.
"I remember it hurt so much. I remember screaming so much. I just wanted my mommy to wake up."
Then, his mother wanted him to lay on the grill.
He looked at the clock and knew his brothers would be home soon. If he could hold out and delay his mom from making him do it until they got home, he knew he would win.
That's how he survived, Pelzer told the teachers.
"You do what you have to do to survive the moment," he said, adding, "That's the first time I won."
When his mother threw him back into the basement, he said he cried but to him, he was finally purging.
"That was my alter ego. You. You are good. You can do it." From that moment, he said he told himself, "I'm never going to quit."
He gave this advice, in general, not just for someone being abused, "Don't give up on yourself. Don't give away your best. Know your worth. Sometimes, when you are pushed, just just hold your position."
Pelzer's freedom from abuse came on March 5, 1973, when he was 12 years old and weighed 68 pounds. His teacher, Mr. Ziglar, told him to go see the nurse. Pelzer said his nurse already had been helping him every day by giving him food to eat, clothes to wear and cleaning and checking his body for bruises.
When a police officer first showed up, Pelzer said he thought he was going to jail and he was grateful because that meant he would be away from his mother. However, the officer told the child Pelzer that he would protect him and his mother would never hurt him again.
Pelzer said he is frequently asked how did he escape child abuse and become such a good person.
"I tell them it is because of my teachers, a police officer, foster parents and social workers," Pelzer said.
Lincoln Superintendent Mary Ann Spears said she first heard Pelzer speak in March at a meeting in Joplin, Mo., and wanted to bring him to Lincoln.
"It was motivational and exciting to hear him speak," Spears said.
She said she can share stories where teachers have gone out of their way to help students.
"We have to look for opportunities," Spears said. "We have to be on the lookout to make a difference. Sometimes it is a big difference. Sometimes, it is a small difference."
Sarah Hale, high school agriculture teacher, said Pelzer's story tells the importance of a teacher's voice. She said one of Pelzer's teachers voiced her concerns, even at the risk of losing her job.
Kevin Barenberg, also an agriculture teacher, said it is a reminder to look at the child as a whole and to be aware of what could be happening elsewhere in their lives.
After Pelzer was removed from his mother, he was placed in a foster home with a wonderful person who helped him to begin to heal.
Since becoming an adult, Pelzer has written eight inspirational books, including, "A Child Called 'It,'" which gives detailed, graphic descriptions of all the abuse he endured as a child. This book was on the New York Times bestseller list for six years. He served in the U.S. Air Force, is a counselor and inspirational speaker.
Pelzer has worked in juvenile programs to help youth at risk and been honored as one of the Ten Outstanding Young Americans and as one of the Outstanding Young Persons of the World for his efforts involving child abuse awareness and prevention.
General News on 08/17/2016